“All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
- Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
Happy Thanksgiving, bookworms! Thanksgiving is the ultimate family holiday and, for most of us, that means a happy holiday. Alas, this isn’t the case for everyone. So in that honor, I’ve decided to have a little fun and imagine what Thanksgiving would be like for my favorite dysfunctional families from literary history.
Oedipus’ family – oh, where to start? Oedipus the King kills his father, marries his mother and when he finally figures all of this out, blinds himself and wanders aimlessly while his two sons (who are also his brothers – try explaining THAT to someone!) fight over the throne. The whole family was so dysfunctional, Freud eventually used them as a basis for his “oedipal complex” theory. Thanksgiving with this clan would probably make you feel better about your own crazy relatives.
The Loman family – Talk about uncomfortable. Dad’s going crazy and is trying to kill himself. Son #1 failed out of college due to an addiction to prostitution, while Son #2 hasn’t spoken to anyone in awhile because he’s been in jail. Mom loves Dad, but remains oblivious to his affair with another woman. At least your Thanksgiving won’t involve countless “get-rich-quick” schemes.
The Boleyn family – There’s nothing like a family holiday to pile on the pressure. Mom and Dad are desperate to get ahead in the world, so naturally, they exploit their children, pitting child against child. Daughter #1 manages to do quite well, becoming the King’s lover, but it isn’t long before green-with-envy Daughter #2 steps in and seduces the King into making her his Queen (and, you know, rewriting English theological history in the process). All the while, the Son just can’t seem to make his wife happy and eventually ends up beheaded, along with Daughter #2. That’s one way to ruin a holiday.
Hamlet’s family – What if you were a guest at Hamlet’s T-day dinner? Let’s call you Horatio. What would you say to the unexpected Fortinbras when he finally arrived? “Well, Hamlet Senior was murdered by his brother Claudius, who then married his wife Gertrude. This kinda pissed off Hamlet Junior, who started seeing ghosts, went crazy, drove his girlfriend to kill herself, and accidentally killed the girlfriend’s father too. The girlfriend’s brother was really upset about that, so he challenged Hamlet to a duel. It got kind of complicated and poison was involved, but basically, Hamlet stabbed the brother, the brother stabbed Hamlet, Hamlet stabbed Claudius, Gertrude drank some wine and they all ended up dead.” Awkward.
I hope your Thanksgiving is happier than theirs!
